Friday, January 26, 2007

Cyborg Momma

Day 5: The first phase of my transformation is nearly complete. I am adjusting well to the new metal chewing apparatuses, although my bite feels slightly off center since the fourth installment yesterday. Notwithstanding some slight laughing gas complications on day three, I am holding up well. For the time being I have been instructed to floss daily and prepare mentally for the final installment which is to take place next Wednesday.

I am told by my practitioner that this first phase of transformation is the easiest and that I should hope to make the transition with no further installments. I understand that the need for hip and knee replacement as well as heart function and hearing apparatuses are best avoided, whenever possible. It is my goal to heed this advice. As it is, I have already had to be fitted with sight enhancing instruments and have had to have them upgraded almost yearly. Nevertheless, I hold on to my dream of remaining as human as possible.

On the up side---my hair follicles seem to be keeping pace with the demands of life and I have, as yet, found no need for artificial intelligence (although, with my final mouth installment Wednesday, I will have enough metal on board to maintain a circuit connection should this become necessary in the future.)

I find the experience is effective for teaching the need for proper oral health to the young ones as I need only show them my teeth to remind them of the pitfalls of failing to floss. Like myself, they could go 30 (almost) fully human years without regular flossing only to have it backfire wildly when they are in their prime. The possibility remains that they could inherit their father's perfect dental record, but it's better to anticipate the pitfall and avoid it just in case...

In the event that this is my last log update please know that I have come to terms with my predicament and am seeking to step up my efforts to keep my natural human components in tact.

I am only one in the war to save natural humanity, but I am one of many...and we are strong! To my fellow strugglers, "Take up your brushes and fight on!!!

May the floss be with you!"



Tasha said...

That's awesome... Can you do the robot, too?

Anonymous said...

Do we continue to refer to you as Tonya or have you as yet taken on an alternative labling? Such as 7 of 9 or R2D2. Since I had input in your first labeling, my suggestion would be IYQSUR.